Mr Mystery Verses the Yeti of Doom
by William Easley
Summary: Just what the Mystery Mansion needs: a real live Yeti! But - can Mr. Mystery survive the expedition?


**Mr. Mystery Verses the Tibetan Yeti of Doom**

 _"I'm hoping all this aligns exactly with my fanfic..."_

* * *

So this one day Mr. Mystery has been watching to Uncovery Channel on cable, and he calls his right-handy man and he says, "Moose, I been thinkin we need a Yeti in the Mystery Mansion. So I am going to take my gyrocoptormobile that you built for me and fly to the Hima—Himma—I can't spell it, dudes, so just to Nepal and find me a Yeti."

So Moose is all like, "I'll go with you Boss, because you never know when you might like need me. Packing Straw!"

"You mean 'Excelsior,'" Mr. Mystery said. He is always right!

So they went to the swanky reception counter of the Mystery Mansion, where beautiful red-head Wednesday worked the cash register and told her they were going. And she said, "Oh, my two boys! I shall miss you both. I do not know which of you I love most!" So she like smooched both Mr. Mystery and Moose for good luck.

And they went and got in the gyrocoptormobile, which is like a race car combined with a helicopter and a diesel locomotive and an Army tank, and Moose fired it up and it leaped into the sky like a great big heavy machine soaring up into the sky! And it went like "Whooooooooooooooooosh!" And it broke, like, the sound barrier? So they didn't talk the whole way.

It was a long, long trip from Gravy Rapids to Nepal, so it took, like, more than an hour. And when they looked down, what did they see? They saw Nepal! It was all like snow and high mountains and hardly any place to land. But Moose was an expert pilot and all, and so he touched the gyrocoptormobile down perfect outside a fortress which was really a village full of very scared Nepalitans.

So they got out of the gyrocoptormobile, right? And Mr. Mystery can speak, like, every known language, so he goes up and knocks on the door of the fortress and hollers, "Hey, dudes, open up! I am Mr. Mystery, and I am here to trap a Yeti!"

And this real old dude, about three hundred and twelve or some junk, opens the door, and he says, "Hey, man, you're not bs-ing us, right? You are going to trap the Yeti that makes our lives miserable?"

And Mr. Mystery says, "That's the fact, Jack."

So all the Nepalitans cheered. "Hooray, hooray, hooray!"

And they let us, I mean, they let Mr. Mystery and Moose into the fortress, and it was like all weird buildings made of stone and secret wood and like ice for windows, that would be cool, and they had this big banquet prepared, and it was like buffet style, you know? And there were yak sandwiches and yak cheese and big cakes made of Nepal berries and lemonade to drink and popcorn to take along for after. And a good time was had by all.

So then Mr. Mystery puts on his high-mountain gear and takes an ice axe and a rope and all the other junk you need in the mountains, and he has Moose follow along in the gyrocoptormobile because it has a stealth mode and makes such a little amount of noise with its engines that Moose designed and built that not even a Yeti could hear it sneaking up. And Moose turned on his latest invention, which covered up the whole gyrocoptormobile in cotton balls, so it was disguised just like a cloud! That was a good idea.

And so Moose follows at five hundred feet over the snow while Mr. Mystery put on his jet snow shoes, which are another thing that Moose had just invented, and went zipping over the ice and snow. I forgot to say that the old man in the village had told Mr. Mystery where the Yeti lived in a cave. But he did, and that is where Mr. Mystery was going.

So Moose sees Mr. Mystery go inside this dark forbidding cave that looked like a mountain alligator's mouth open to eat somebody or some junk, and so he landed the gyrocoptormobile close to the cave mouth and got out and went inside a little ways when what did he hear?

He heard sounds of combat! "Take that!" "Oof!" "Punch!" "Crash!" and a whole lot of other sounds, coming from back in the cave where it is too dark to see. And then they stopped, and Mr. Mystery yelled, "Moose, come and help me carry out the Yeti that I captured!"

So Moose turned on his trucker cap light. I forgot to say, but while he was waiting in the cave mouth he invented a trucker cap light, which is like a head light. That is a pun, get it? Head light? Oh, and there is another one coming up that shows you I did not spell a word wrong in the title, it is a pun, that is what makes a good title.

So Moose went into the cave and he found Mr. Mystery tying the hands of a giant Yeti behind him, and Mr. Mystery says, "This will make a great addition to the Mystery Mansion, and Wednesday will love me and hug me and kiss me and we will have a great Mysternesday scene to end up with."

But the Yeti speaks up, and he speaks like in English! Imagine that, dawgs! And this is what the Yeti says:

In the high mountains I sigh,

For if I leave them I'll die.

Please let me go

To live in the snow

And I will turn good, I won't lie.

That's right! The Yeti was like nearly human, even though he was maybe twelve feet tall and all furry and junk, and he could talk, but only in rhyming verses. VERSES. Get it now? That is funny, right?

So they talk it over, and the Yeti swears not to scare the villagers any more and he makes some tracks in the snow for Mr. Mystery to make some plaster casts of and he poses for pictures and Moose takes about thirty until he takes one that is just blurry enough so you can't really tell what it is.

Then they say goodbye and Mr. Mystery and Moose take off in the gyrocoptormobile. And Moose says, "I do not get it, Mr. Mystery. You just have a plaster cast of a footprint and a blurry photo. You could have had a whole Yeti."

And Mr. Mystery says, "Moose, you got to learn one thing: A mystery is no good once it is solved! More people will pay money to come and look at the plaster cast and the picture than would pay to see a rhyming Yeti. You take away the wonder, and it's no fun anymore."

So they flew back to the Mystery Mansion and like landed on the lawn. And Wednesday came running out with her arms out wide and she was wearing like a bikini because it was such a hot day, and she throws herself –

* * *

"Soos!" Stanley Pines bellowed. "Toilet's backed up! Get off that computer and get on the job!"

With a sigh, Soos saved the file, number 618 in his continuing fanfiction series. "I am needed elsewhere," he said. Then he grabbed his plunger and went to take up his duty.

Which is a pun.


End file.
